i'm not transparent. rarely do i allow people to know everything going on in my life.

i need full disclosure.

i'm a miserable failure. everything was seemingly, ripped away from me at the beginning of summer and i saw everything fly out of my hands, far from my control. i don't handle a lack of control the way most people do. the typical "control freak" would fume and then plot ways on how to divide and conquer to regain the control. but for me, the minute the control is gone, will and motivation and a touch of dignity decide they want greener pastures. gee baby, ain't i been good to you? and now, as things have been handed to me, the runner-up prizes as i like to call them, i am so apathetic. i have been handed the ability to go to school for a semester for nearly free. i have a job that i do nothing in, but it will look kick ass on a resume', and i still have a good bit of friends left over on this campus. but anytime i'm sitting in this shithole of an apartment, i am reminded that i am the girl who obviously is here for bizarre reasons, reasons which will more than likely affect the rest of her life.

i was trying to think of who might come back and check on this blog every once-in-a-while. drew, dad and gray maybe? are you still there? i very well could pick up a phone and find out if gray is still there. i always know where my dad is, right in my little heart. drew, you're far across the ocean, not around the corner with a cup of coffee, cigarette and a comforting word. just a few bleeps and bloops on facebook or gchat. lets work on that.

a prayer for my friends near and far and even farther

ali emily beth kate claire drew jack gray brandon andrew

daviddaviddaviddaviddavid



i should go watch postseason with hobbie